Designing a Dopamine Menu: Help Your Teen Boost Their Mood
Soli Lazarus is an ADHD Consultant and was previously a teacher and SENCO with 30 years’ experience. She is also the author of The ADHD Teen Survival Guide.
We know that an ADHD brain is seeking dopamine which is a neurotransmitter that sends messages to the brain to control emotions, impulses and actions but it is not firing consistently.This results in poor attention, overthinking and getting stuck in a problem, overwhelm of emotion or the need to continually move or fidget.
Dopamine is the feel-good hormone which your teen may be craving.
Recognise this in your teen?
But here comes the clever bit….
An ADHD brain seeks out a dopamine fix externally from the environment which means your teen is constantly looking for that feel-good feeling often associated with fun, excitement, conflict and risk.
This may come from buying a shiny new object, winding up their sibling or engaging in risky unlawful activities.
We want to get to a situation where your teen understands their unique brain, knows what they need and feels confident to request it.
So how can we encourage your ADHD teen to seek a dopamine menu that is safe and beneficial?
Here are my 5 tips:
1. Take part in physical sports or activities that carry some element of risk:
We know exercise is hugely beneficial as well as the benefits of socialising and being outdoors. Activities that have a sprinkling of risk but are safe and fun such as BMX biking, parkour, skateboarding, diving, wall-climbing, horse riding, ice skating or quad biking.
2. Take part in activities which are creative, exciting and involve movement:
Your teen may feel they need opportunities to be free, creative and expressive as they may feel hindered from a tight, prescriptive curriculum at school. Try and avoid activities which require assessment or grading. This is purely for fun. For example, they may like to try street dance, graffiti art, textiles, pottery, robotics or drama.
3. Encourage your teen to practice self-care when they are overwhelmed with emotion:
Sometimes your teen can get overwhelmed, and this may result in anger or shut down. Both are difficult to manage in a family. Talk about emotions and empathise that this is a challenge. Work out together what to do when things get too much. Such as, listen to podcasts or music, ASMR sounds, dance, exercise, art and crafts, drink water, walk in nature, deep pressure massage or stroking a pet.
Getting involved in an argument or teasing a sibling can be a huge dopamine rush for an ADHD teen. So train the family not to react and instead distract with humour or calming strategies as described above.
Once things get back to a state of calm for all of you, you can try and find a solution to the problem.
4. Gamify boring stuff
Boring stuff like brushing teeth still needs to get done. So maybe introduce some element of fun, interest or novelty. Like using a theme tune to measure time, adding a fart or burping sound or using a new piece of equipment. Let them know you understand that it’s boring and get them to come up with some unique ways to get the stuff done. The more your teen has ‘skin in the game’ the more likely they will successfully do the boring stuff.
Your teen may get a dopamine high from continually spending but ends up in debt or discarding the item as soon as they’ve bought it. Use a visual tracker or an app to monitor spending to get into good habits. Encourage them to replace the high of spending with a different activity as described above.
5. Go easy on the rules
Your teen may be pushing against the rules at school and if they feel you are overloading them too, this can become problematic.
For example, mealtimes can be tricky if your rules dictate a situation your teen may find challenging, such as sitting still or remaining at the table. So maybe introduce movement and choice by creating a buffet style menu. Or serve the meal on small plates and your teen can pick-and-mix as they wish and feel more in control.
Screens are a 21st century conundrum that are causing arguments in perhaps every home up and down the land. Your ADHD teen gets a massive dopamine hit from gaming, chatting with friends, shopping and scrolling on social media. It can be relaxing, rewarding and risky. What a heady mix for hormonal ADHD teenagers! So together decide how long is reasonable and offer motivating alternatives to entice them off their screens.
Being a teenager with ADHD can be tricky as there are so many restraints and rules which do not suit our young people. They are craving dopamine so we must empower them to politely request what they need.
We want to raise this next generation to understand their differently wired brains and to feel amazing about themselves. Not to feel like they don’t fit in or rejected by society.
Instead we want our teenagers to shout from the rooftops that their unique brains can enable them to be curious, determined, loyal and inventive.
Giving them a chance to use their dopamine menu to unlock their unlimited potential, to not only survive but to have an amazing life.
The ADHD Teens Survival Guide – Your Launchpad To An Amazing Life is out November 21st. This illustrated book is aimed at teenagers to give them a voice, to let adults know what they need and to live an amazing life.