Adapted from What Men with Asperger Syndrome Want to Know About Women, Dating and Relationships, the new book by counsellor Maxine Aston which provides the answers to Asperger men’s most frequently asked relationship questions, helping them to understand the way relationships work and increasing their confidence and ability to have successful relationships.

Question #40: Do you have a list of what I can do to try to make her happy in our relationship?

This is one of the questions I am asked most frequently. Of course it would be impossible to write a list that would be guaranteed to make all women happy in a relationship. There will be women, as there will be men, who decide they do not want to be happy and no amount of effort on their partner’s part will make any difference to that.

If you are a man with AS who tries to do the best you can to make things better and more harmonious with your partner, yet you still find your partner very unhappy or of a blaming inclination towards you, then as a couple you might need professional help. There is only so much any one person can do within a relationship, as it does involve two people, and requires both to work at ‘dancing’ to the same tune, otherwise one or other may find their foot trodden upon. You cannot make things work on your own or allow yourself to be abused in the process; all you can offer another is your best, which is why I have called it a ‘Things that could help to make her happy’ list.

Here are a few key things you could do to help make her happy:

  • Smile when you greet her.
  • If she is crying or upset give her a hug without necessarily saying anything.
  • When you hug or kiss her, try not to think about anything else but her.
  • Try not to interrupt her when she is talking to you.
  • Believe and trust that she loves you; accept and thank her for being in your life.

For the full list and answers to more relationship FAQs, check out What Men with Asperger Syndrome Want to Know About Women, Dating and Relationships!

Copyright © Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2012.

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